I always struggle with discipline. I pay way too much attention to everything that’s going on inside me, and I keep going through it, sorting it, analyzing it, fighting with it. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. Until I feel 100% right?

Uncomfortable feelings inside me bother me, and they’re the first thing I deal with. It’s not something I can consciously handle or just let go of.

I feel everything before I even start

I don’t even get to the point where I start. I get overwhelmed just by the thought of everything that needs to be done, and I’m already exhausted before doing anything.

And it’s like this with everything. I’m not able to push through my own mental and physical resistance into discomfort.

So… not very effective

This way, I’m not getting anywhere. At least that’s how it feels. I’m not kind to myself in this, and I only see what’s not working. Probably a stupid mindset. And maybe that’s the whole problem.

When I focus on the result instead

Recently I realized that if, instead of focusing on the discomfort at the beginning, I imagine how I’ll feel after it’s done — the result, the relief — I’m much more likely to do it.

But the moment I start focusing on everything negative that comes with it, I’m screwed.

Where my energy actually is

Maybe it’s also because I have the most energy in the mental and imaginative space. It’s easy for me to stay there. Physical action and actual creation cost me much more energy.

I wish it was easier sometimes. But the funny thing is, I don’t really have any real obstacles in front of me — except myself. Just doing the thing and seeing where it goes. Sometimes I envy people who just act. From where I stand, their lives seem much easier.

Great system, honestly

I constantly focus on what feels wrong or uncomfortable inside me, because I don’t want it there, and I keep fighting it relentlessly. Like every. Single. Day.

The irony is — if I didn’t focus on the discomfort and just did the thing, those feelings would disappear anyway, because I’d be done and moving forward.

Exhibit A

This exact article. I want to post a new article on my blog. I already have the first draft, but the moment I imagined everything that still needs to be done — perfecting the text, fixing the English, headlines, structure, visuals, making it interesting, photos… And I just shut down.

It suddenly feels like days of work, just for one article. And before I even start, I’m already done. Why, whyyyyyyyy?

I can see exactly where I want to go

The thing is — I can clearly imagine what I want. I see the very end, exactly where I want to get, even the exact form of it. Everyone has it differently, but my ability to see where I want to go is strong.

It has its advantages and its downsides. The advantage is that I don’t lack direction. The downside is that because of that highest standard I see in front of me, I don’t even get past the first step…

Trying to create from the highest level

The problem is that I try to realize my dreams based on what I see in my head. I want it to be just as perfect, just as complete, just as complex, and at the same time funny and beautiful. And from that zero point where I actually am, I immediately start working on the highest level I desire.

And it’s almost impossible for me to accept that after finishing something, the result might be different.

Partial. Imperfect. Incomplete. I just can´t accept it.

My body can’t keep up with my head

But the body is not capable of pushing out something that perfect all at once. And on top of that — something so complex. The capacity of my body, what it can actually create during the day, is somewhere completely different.

It never even occurred to me to think this way. When I create, I move only inside my head and my feelings, and I orient myself based on that.

The uncomfortable truth…

At the core, it’s probably just uncomfortable to admit that I can’t handle as much as I would like. That I have to accept a version that is… less amazing.

But this “less amazing” version paradoxically leads exactly where I want to go — to the result.

I just didn’t want to try it. Not until I hit my face on the ground about a million times. Why would I settle for something where I didn’t give everything I had? I don’t even want a different result, so it never crossed my mind to try and “hack” it.

Head vs. body

But that’s only how my head sees it. And that’s exactly where it goes into conflict with my body. Because the body is actually the thing that leads me to the result.

It shows me, very precisely, what I need to do to get the thing out into the world.

And that’s the whole point. To have something real. Something working. Something that exists. Not just an idea of myself.

The moment it clicked

I got exhausted again. Sitting there, completely drained by a vision I wasn’t able to execute. And then it hit me.

I keep trying to realize my dreams based on my head. But my head has completely different capacities than my body!

So of course, every time I try to bring something into reality, I fail. The standard I set doesn’t match what I’m actually able to do in a day.

Trying it differently

So I accepted it. That it has to be done through the body. And I tried to get that article out based on that, following the ideas and steps, that where uncomfortable for my head, but comfortable for my body. I didn’t want to admit it, but I had to.

And surprisingly — it worked. Lol

Not only was the article published that same evening! It was perfect! Nothing was missing. It was clean, interesting, even funny — in a way I wouldn’t have come up with before. And I only spent as much time on it as was actually needed to bring it into reality. It honestly shocked me.

Maybe this is the way

If I had to sum it up, there are two things that help when it comes to discipline and consistency.

1/ Focus on the good outcome that’s waiting for me, instead of diving into every difficulty I already know is coming.
2/ Create based on my body’s capacity, not on the version my head imagines.

Maybe this is finally the way I need to work.
So I can stop being stuck.