I was talking with a friend about how far along we are — or rather, how shitty we feel about certain parts of our lives. We were trying to explain why feeling behind in life is actually okay… uhm, is it?

Do you have housing, security, a relationship, but don’t know who you are? Or the opposite — you know who you are, but you don’t have a roof over your head and you’re just starting with finances? Who’s better off? Each of us was “behind” in something different, but in the end, everyone deals with the same things.

Housing, love, work, identity… pick your battlefield.

To me, life comes down to a few essential questions that each of us has to answer, and no one is spared. The only difference is the order.

When I sum it up, it always comes down to the same things for all of us:

— relationship and family
— housing
— financial security
— work
— health, appearance (when it shows up, sports, do I look like myself?)
— who I actually am

These questions simply belong to life. At least that’s how it seems to me. People work through them differently and in different orders and ages, but not a single one leaves anyone at peace. Congrats to those who’ve got it all figured out. I want to be one of them.

So basically, everyone’s behind — the only difference is where.

Feeling behind is okay — we all are, in one way or another. But that doesn’t mean I won’t do anything about it. If something burns inside me, I have to face it — it won’t fix itself.

But I’d like to pause at one question, which feels more branched out and harder to grasp. The rest is pretty clear — everyone needs a place to live, money and love.

Who you are. Let´s stop at the toughest battlefield — yourself

This question includes knowing who I am, how I want to look like, what I enjoy, what I want to do here and how far I want to take it… Maybe identity wasn’t that essential before, but today everything rests on it — financial security, balance, self-realization, even self-confidence.

It seems to me that this question is tied to the feeling of happiness and fulfillment we experience in life. A successful person who has everything “sorted out” but doesn’t know where their soul resides, or what would truly fulfill them, can suffer every single day. The question is: how do we approach this without drowning in it?

1. Follow your passions

The things that excite you, that you devour, that bring you daily enthusiasm — those are what keep you afloat, and what you should hold on to. It doesn’t mean it’s a hobby you have to build your whole life on, but maybe it’s simply a passion that brings you joy every day and brings you back to yourself.

Is that too little? Should we look at such small, seemingly meaningless hobbies rationally and say, well, they’re useless?

The point is exactly that they light you up and refresh you every day. Those things don’t belong on the sidelines of life — I let them refresh me daily, as much as I need.

2. Comparison

What makes sense to one person won’t make sense to another. Sometimes that difference, plus the influence of others, can be so uncomfortable and strong that we lose our footing. We start thinking — oh, this is stupid, I should focus on something else…

Like perfumes. I love them — I think about them every day. And yet, someone once told me they’re just consumption, and that I should choose a different gift. But that’s exactly the point. They refresh my mind and bring me deep joy. Is it silly, just because no one else sees the meaning in it? Should I feel ashamed and find myself a more reasonable hobby instead? How far can I go, trying to be reasonable and readable for others, before I lose that spark?

Will any of those smart ones, who keep fixing my head, even care later — when I’m unhappy and on edge, because I don´t know why I´m here?

But the truth is, no one can stick with something for long if it doesn’t suit them or interest them. That’s why you can ditch what fulfills or doesn’t fulfill others (including those who feel fulfilled by trying to run your head, lol) and just do your own thing. Because honestly — when you look at those people’s lives, is that really something worth listening to? No. You know what makes you shine, and that’s what matters for you. Your energy.

3. Intuition

Has an idea or thought been repeating in your head for years? Do you always come back to something every time everything falls apart?

Life’s crashes and moments when everything goes to shit are awful, but they have one big advantage — in the rubble, what’s worth your attention, always remains.

What stays with you even when everything else disappears. That’s the right thing, that’s your calling, and that’s what you should devote yourself to.

Moving forward is like hopping between cacti. Still finding a path

Sometimes life feels like hopping between cacti… you try to sort out one thing after another, or even all at once, but there’s always a thorn somewhere.

And that’s the beautiful thing. If it didn’t matter to us, we wouldn’t bother with it. And it’s okay to wrestle with what we don’t have yet.